10 Rules for highway driving

I love going home for the holiday's, but I hate the 7 hours of highway driving that I do to get there. However, I realized that if everybody followed a few simple rules, highway driving wouldn't be nearly as bad. So below are my 10 rules for driving on the highway.


Rule 1: When entering a highway, if you can't get up to 65mph while on the on-ramp, you should not be allowed to enter that highway. This should be part of the driving test. Seriously, when people merge on the highway going 40 mph, they are risking people's lives.

Rule 2: If you get passed on your right, you are in the wrong lane. No exceptions, you are driving too slow for your lane so move your ass.

Rule 3: If you are driving the same speed as someone on your right, you are in the wrong lane. Either speed up or slow down and get in the other lane. You are probably blocking the fast lane from a line of cars that has built up behind you. It's people like you who cause traffic.

Rule 4: Under no circumstances is the driver allowed to slow down to look at an accident on the side of the road. You are allowed to look, but you cannot slow down. Causing a traffic jam just so you can see some smoke coming out of a car is unacceptable. I hate rubberneckers. I can't tell you how many times I've sat in traffic for 20 minutes because some guy was changing a flat tire on the side of the road. What is it about this that everyone needs to slow down and look at?

random driving note: If talking on a cell phone is illegal, then eating/reading/playing with radio/CD changing/and talking to a passenger should be illegal too. I'm much more dangerous when I'm trying to eat my fries with one hand, drink my coke with the other, and steer with my knees than I am talking on a cell phone.

Rule 5: Putting your blinker on does not give you the right to change lanes whenever you feel like it (This rule does not apply to New Jersey because nobody here knows how to turn their blinkers on).

Rule 6: If you leave your blinker on, everybody on the road has the right to cut you off, high-beam you, or yell and throw things at you as they wish. This got me thinking. We need a universal sign for "hey, you left your blinker on". I'm thinking the middle finger works well.

Rule 7: If you know that you need to merge in the near future, do it as soon as possible. There is no one I hate more than the person who stays in the open lane as long as possible and merges at the last second. This person is the reason traffic moves so slow. And stop looking so surprised when nobody lets you in, you brought this on yourself.

Rule 8: If somebody lets you into their lane, you must give the obligatory "thank you wave". Otherwise you are a jerk.

Rule 9: If someone cuts you off (without an "apology wave"), you have everyright to tailgate them and cut them off at your earliest convenience.

Rule 10: All mistakes are forgiven if an "apology wave" has been clearly given. If you admit you are a moron, then everyone is satisfied and we can continue our long ass rides home.